Capture the Flag

We join Roderigo of Othello and Chasuble of The Importance of Being Earnest caught in a heated Capture the Flag battle in Halo 3.

The Scene: "Last Resort"

Roderigo: Shoot that guy, he doesn't have any shields!

Chasuble: Gosh darn it, I'm reloading!

Roderigo: Well, throw a grenade or something, he's going to get our flag!

Chasuble: OK here... ah ha! Got him with a head shot. Take that, you noob!

Roderigo: Nice work, champ.  I'm playing so poorly, I keep on dying.  "It is silliness to live when to live is torment" (1.3.303).  Alright, I just re-spawned.  I say we make a push for their flag, time is running out and we're tied 2-2.

Chasuble: I agree, but we're gonna need some power weapons.  We cannot simply barge in there with the Assault Rifle, it doesn't do nearly enough damage.

Roderigo: That's a good point.  OK, you go and grab the shotgun.  I'm gonna get real weird with it and pick up a Spartan Laser.

Chasuble: The Spartan Laser? These are desperate times! We can't afford for you to be fooling around with the Spartan Laser! It is utterly impractical to use the Spartan Laser unless you're trying to destroy a vehicle.

Roderigo: Just calm down, I know what I'm doing.

Chasuble: Considering that your kill-death ratio this game is 3-17, I doubt that.

Roderigo: OK, fine, I'm getting a Battle Rifle for my secondary weapon. Since you have the shotgun, you go into their base first. I'll reign down some suppressing fire with my BR, then I'll come pick you up in a Mongoose when you have the flag.

Mongoose

Chasuble: Alright, here I go... Bam, got one.  Oh yeah, there's two!

(Together): DOUBLE KILL!!!!!

Roderigo: Nice, I just got the last guy, I'll be right over there.

Chasuble: "Was the cause of death mentioned?" (26)

Roderigo: Yeah, I stuck him with a Plasma Grenade, square in the face!

A Plasma Grenade stuck to an enemy's face

Chasuble: Haha, now that's more like it.

Roderigo: OK I'm outside with the mongoose, come on, get in!

Chasuble: Here I am, let's get going before they chase us down.

Roderigo: Shoot, they have a Warthog! We don't stand a chance!

A Warthog

Chasuble: Well I need to get the flag back to the base, somehow we must remove of him.

Roderigo: "How do you mean, removing him?" (4.2.228)

Chasuble: Umm, killing him?

Roderigo: Right. OK I'm going to get out, you make a run for it.

Chasuble: But Roderigo, it's suicide!

Roderigo: Don't worry, I have something in mind

(As the Warthog approaches, Roderigo charges up the Spartan Laser, aims it at the Warthog, and fires its deadly laser beam, causing the Warthog and all of the enemy passengers inside it to explode in blaze of fiery glory)

An accurate portrayal

Chasuble: What in the name of Davy Jones?!

Roderigo: I told you I knew what I was doing.

Chasuble: Wow, you certainly were right.  I was wrong not to trust you.  "These are very joyful tidings" (28).

Roderigo: I would hope you never doubt me again... Did you capture their flag yet?

Chasuble: I'm... almost... there.... GOT IT!!! FOR THE WIN!!!

Roderigo: We are most definitely the best at Halo.

Chasuble: That was an excellent game, indeed. We shall do this again sometime.

Roderigo: Agreed. But now, I have to go and plot the death of a Moorish general with a dear friend of mine.

Chasuble: Understandable, I have to go perform a christening for two silly men.  I'll see you later Roderigo.

Roderigo: Piece out, homie.